‘On the couch’ with Jasminda

DEAR Jasminda,

Since the recent heavy rain events, we now have a flock of bin chickens in our yard.

They are not a very attractive bird, but I can’t seem to shoo them away.

How do I get rid of them?

Jonathan R.

Ah, Jonathon

Using the term bin chicken tells me everything I need to know about your position on the Australian White Ibis, despite it being an intelligent and resourceful bird, as well as a native species.

Your Flock of Ibis (not to be confused with A Flock of Seagulls, which would be an entirely different dilemma) is (‘is’ not ‘are’ as flock is a collective noun, before you correct me in an online community group) doing an important job in your yard.

Your attempts to shoo them (perhaps you’d prefer them to be rummaging around in a local skip bin)

are taking them away from aerating your soil, feasting on insects, and adapting to new environments (such as your drenched yard that currently looks more like a Tough Mudder racetrack from all the

vehicle traffic).

Instead of your ‘Go Back to Where You Came From’ attitude (misguided, since they traditionally inhabit wetlands, which your yard seems to have evolved into), perhaps you should embrace them as a significant part of Australia’s cultural heritage.

It is actually our fault that the birds have relocated from their usual habitats and moved to far

less suitable urban locations.

I hope this has shed some more light on the matter, and instead of calling them bin chickens (or trash vultures or flying rats or dumpster divers), you will instead embrace their distinctive repetitive grunting sounds (much like a surly Australian teenager) and marvel at them perched in your eucalyptus trees (where they are roosting to escape predators like coastal retirees named Jonathon).

Carpe diem,
Jasminda.