‘On the couch’ with Jasminda

DEAR Jasminda,

I’ve told my husband he is sometimes insensitive in his responses, but he doesn’t seem to be able to change.

Do you have any suggestions?

He’s great in every other respect.

Claudia Q.

Dear Claudia,

Firstly, I offer my condolences regarding your husband’s occasional insensitivity.

People can be brash or unthinking at times and it can be hard to handle.

Perhaps you could suggest to your husband that he run his responses through AI.

For example, imagine you are about to go out and you’ve put on some makeup at which point your husband says something like: ‘What have you done to your face?’

Now, if he’d run that through AI, it would have given him a few more palatable options, such as, and I quote: ‘Oh, you look different. Did you try something new with your makeup?’ or … ‘You did something with your makeup today, right? It’s bold. Tell me about it’ or … ‘Oh honey, you did not come to play — you came to slay. I see it. I fear it. I support it.’

These responses could (potentially) make you feel better, but maybe not.

In fact if my husband replied with any of the above AI responses, I’d probably think he was having an affair.

Not just any affair, but an affair with the lovechild of Liza Minnelli and Liberace.

It would also mean toning back on the usual retort, such as, ‘At least I didn’t brush my hair with the leg of a chair’ or ‘Mmmm. Shorts and boots. Interesting.’

Without concrete examples from you, it’s hard for me to offer a more specific solution, but I’ve always found a withering stare is particularly effective in many situations.

Sometimes the less said, the better.

That may be a good message for your husband too.

Carpe diem,
Jasminda.