On the Couch with Jasminda: Weddings and their strange traditions

DEAR Jasminda,

I AM getting married in a couple of months and both my father and stepfather are in a battle to walk me down the aisle to my husband.

Would it be strange to have one on either side of me? How can I resolve this without upsetting either of them?

Leanne C.

DEAR Leanne,

BEING Being walked down the aisle. What a strange tradition.

At my own wedding, there were a number of strange traditions that were enforced that made me wonder about our readiness for married life (though we still are married, almost a quarter of a century on).

For starters, my to-be-betrothed and I (he, a casual Catholic, me, a passionate agnostic) had to attend wedding preparation classes.

I can’t tell you what they involved, because that particular priest went on extended sick leave after our first session (an ominous sign).

Next we had to select Bible verses, which seemed like an easy enough task, but I found myself spending hours wading through some pretty confounding content, when I should have been focused on the Jukebox playlist and/or planning an elopement.

‘It is good for them to remain unmarried, as I am’ and ‘I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man’ were among the quotes that jumped out at me for all the wrong reasons.

Further, on the wedding day, our priest completely disregarded our carefully prepared vows and orated the patriarchal summons to obey.

Several feminist heads swivelled in response (never a good look in a church).

It felt very Republic of Gilead.

Now, with reference to walking down the aisle, that was one tradition we managed to break.

Both my mother and father walked me down the aisle, which seemed like a nice modern touch at the time, but we had great difficulty keeping our strides in synch.

My father is a tall, notoriously fast-walker; mum is quite short with a delicate stride, so trying to accommodate both of them felt like a haphazard four-legged race.

Also, with one person on either side of the bride, as you have suggested in your conundrum, I couldn’t help but feel that it gave the impression of a suspect flanked by two law enforcement officers.

Being frogmarched to ‘Canon in D’ is probably not the effect you want to achieve.

Now I’m not sure if yours is a traditional marriage, Leanne, but may I suggest that it is your day and any misgivings should not be yours nor your husbands to bear.

Talk together about what you both want on your special day and stay united in your decisions, as you will hopefully be for many years to come.

Carpe diem,

Jasminda.